Tuesday, March 13, 2012

"Bigness" for the Little...


Sometimes things seem calculated to show you how little you are. Like fighting for your patient’s life for a hour and a half. Or well-timed reminders from true friends. Or dark nights under big skies (when you are already feeling overwhelmed). Or seeing something in yourself you didn’t know was there. Or many other things that couldn’t find expression on this blog...
The week before my birthday seemed to be just so calculated. And it only took a week of that to just about max me with my littleness. Ever thought something like, “I want to learn, Lord, really. But... maybe not quite so fast with all the lessons. Maybe a little break between them”? That was me - just last night.
Mama came to kiss me goodnight. With all those thoughts swimming in my head, I said with my head resting on her shoulder, “It doesn’t seem like I should be turning 21. I mean, I’ve always wanted to be 21- it’s my dream age. But now that it’s here... I’m not... I’m not... I’m not it,” I finished uncertainly.
Praise God for mamas that understand their children. She laughed and asked “So what age does it seem you should be?” “Uh, 16 maybe?” Mama laughed again and kissed me, and reminded me - as she is so good at doing - of the goodness and all-sufficiency of God. Even when I’m feeling mercilessly in-sufficient...
Today I can say with confidence that God never gives His lessons too fast, or too intense. Not even when it feels that way. And He always tucks a rose in my hands while He’s chiseling away at my rough edges. And today that was in the form of all of you wonderful people out there who wished me a happy birthday via phone calls, texts, email, and Google Plus. I can say with certainty that I received at least three times the amount of birthday wishes today that I have received on my birthday in years past. And all your thoughtful messages were more than just a shower of human love and care (though they were indeed that). They were the incessant whisper of the love of God to me, all day long. A thousand thanks to all of you for filling my day with brightness, and being God’s messengers to me in ways you can’t even imagine...
And listen, you Asian traveling sibbies of mine- you may be on the other side of the world today, but I see your hand in this. No one, and I mean no one, would confess to me how they knew it was my birthday. Your emails were “the sun in my sky” [ :) !!! ]  today, but every time I got another text or email or call I was reminded again of siblings whose love can reach across the Pacific Ocean. Love you, miss you, and praying for you. Can’t wait to see you again! 

  
Yep, for those of you who are wondering, that was my birthday cake up top- (the second one for this year, because Chantee made me one for my birthday celebration before they left). And yes, it was spectacular. :) Thank you Jeh Lou!! 

6 comments:

  1. You're welcome Tasha, but really it was what little I could do for you, for all you've done for me. :)

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  2. Any time{: Happy Birthday.

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  3. Somehow I know exactly what you mean... Glorious adulthood looks so strong and confident from the younger side of it... so insufficient and "little" when you actually get there (I will soon be turning 21 too). But after all, we will always be "a child" of God, and His best servants are the ones that realize their smallness in comparison to His greatness. His strength is made perfect in weakness.

    Blessings to you through this next year of your life, Natasha! :))

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  4. You know what's really scary? 25!!! >_< I still feel like I should only be 16 or so! :P

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  5. Blessings on your birthday, Natasha! (Though a day belated) May this be yet another year starring His faithfulness and sufficiency in all things...

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  6. You're too much, little one... :)

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